5 Marriage Rules We Ignored
I'm not an expert on all things marriage, so this blog post isn't meant to be written from that standpoint. Rather, I want to share my stories with you in hopes that it would encourage you to follow your own path and not feel like you have to do things a certain way just because it's always been done that way!
If you're weighing the pros/cons of certain marriage situations, you can feel free to read my thoughts on it to help you figure out if it's something you'd like to adopt for yourself!
5 Marriage Rules We Ignored
1. Live together for 1 year before marriage.
Religious beliefs aside, we didn't live with each other before we got married. I can see a few of you wondering how in the world we survived, hahaha. But, I can tell you, it was probably one of the only "traditional" things we did and it made our first year better because of it.
A common joke in our new home was, "we're still getting to know each other", and we felt more invested in our relationship because we were already married. (And no, I don't mean in a "you're stuck with me" way!). Finding each other's quirks as newlyweds made our first year of marriage fun, goofy, and romantic.
2. Keep finances separate.
I had a coworker who was very adamant about keeping your bank accounts separate from your spouse. She was convinced that should anything happen, it would be much easier to separate. I personally didn't understand where she was coming from - why would you promise to dedicate your everything to each other yet have a "just in case" plan in place?!
3. Invite family & friends to your wedding.
This is most likely the "craziest" thing we did but we didn't invite anyone to our wedding. To explain, eloping made sense to us. Our families all lived in separate cities and no matter how we planned it, one family would have had to do way more traveling than the other to witness our nuptials. So, instead of trying to invite everyone, we invited NO ONE and eloped to Oahu! (It also helped that our loved ones were on board with the idea!).
4. Have kids before pets.
Before I explain, I want to point out that I NEVER thought we would have a dog before children. I was worried about what others would think, which isn't a legitimate reason, but I also felt like I wasn't ready for kids yet. When we thought about getting a dog, I was still worried but I fell in love with Chester immediately, and realized it was the natural step (for us) to introduce a puppy into our lives. Everyone's timelines are different and I realized since then that if someone were to judge me for the choices I make, it's on them - not me. (And on a side note, I think every newlywed couple should get a puppy!).
5. Never go to bed angry.
We're not a contentious couple and we rarely argue. But we're real and we'd be lying if we said we never argued. EVERY couple argues and I think the more we shed light on the realness of marriage, the less it becomes romanticized to make people think getting married solves everything. I love Andrew very much, and I respect and value our marriage and his opinions. Having said that, we won't always have the same opinions and sometimes it just can't be resolved with a simple game of rock paper scissors (we've tried).
It's a common quote, "never go to bed angry", but sometimes you need to and should sleep on disagreements so you can discuss an issue when you're both calm, rather than having a heated argument where you end up saying things you wish you could take back (but can't, because it's been said).
Do you ignore any of these so-called "rules"? Do you have one that's not in the list? Comment below & share your advice!